"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

terrorism task force

Dont let these innocent, adorable faces fool you.  We had a terrorism task force meeting.. ie family meeting at the dinner table.... A review of some hot topic issues that needed to be discussed in further detail.

Item 1:  All dogs must go outside to potty. Even if it is dark, even if it is raining. They are dogs.  They dont get to use my bathroom.

Item 2:  If ANYONE (child or dog) gets sick in the night, there will be NO vomiting exactly in the spot I would put my feet when I launch my body from a dead sleep to hurl myself from the bed.  AND IF by chance there is vomit in that spot and my feet do land in it and I slip and fall, DO NOT SAY SHHHHH I am sleeping!

Item 3:  It is my bed.  If you feel the need to sleep in it with me sleep on your own side and your own pillow.  There is no open forum for discussion on this anymore.

Item 4:  IF you are sleeping with me, keep your toes out of my ribcage, ears and spine.

Item 5:  IF I happen to go down the hall to use the bathroom, I SWEAR I am coming back.  I do not need to be escorted and waited for outside the door by 4 people a dog and a cat.  I have acutally been doing this for years and am quite capable of doing it on my own...  and I will come back.  Eventually.  I promise.

Item 6:  If you have a temper tantrum and kick and scream and bite and yell and then get up and ask for me to make you your own entree for dinner cause what I have made doesn't happen to be your favorite... DO EXPECT to be laughed at by all your siblings... hysterically laughed at, as in table slapping laughed at.  Followed up with comments like "Good luck with that one buddy!" or "are you freakin kidding me????"

Item 7:  If you spray yourself in the eye with your sisters perfume that you have snuck from her room, well, dont be offended if all your sibling say ewwww... you smell like a girl.

Item 8:  If you are not getting your way, PLEASE whine loudly and cry and complain.  I LOVE this really. 

Item 9:  There will be no more stealing allowed and from here on out EVERYONE is on high alert.  The thieving cat will be stalked until his lair is found along with it all the ponytail holders, earrings, socks, pencils and sink stoppers. If anyone sees a crime in process you will secretly follow said cat and notify someone older than you.

Meeting adjourned.  I will not negotiate with terrorists.  I am sure from here on out peace and harmony will reign in our house, the dogs will be fetching my slippers and my children will be laying their clothes out and packing their own lunches weeks ahead of time.  A girl can dream right???

Monday, October 11, 2010

Stupid things people say...

Gonna let you in on a little secret. Our family is made up of 3 countries. We are not a biracial family. We are a multi racial family. We forget this. We think we look like everyone else's family. We have heard some pretty stupid stuff over the years. We have heard some pretty offensive stuff too. While walking between stores awhile back we had a carload drive by slowly, honk, flip us off and yell out many racial slurs... most of the stuff is stupid and honestly people for the most part dont mean it, I am sure... BUT...

Lady at previous church: Are you planning on telling your kids they are adopted or keep it a secret.

Me: DEFINITELY keeping it a secret


Another Lady at previous church: Isnt it horrible to change a diaper of a child that isn't yours? I mean diapers are bad enough if they belong to your own child, but someone elses? Terrible.


Another lady at previous church: We will need a copy of your boys medical files so we can send a letter out to all Sunday School parents to let them know that there will be AFRICANS in their childrens classes... and they may expose them to AIDS... due to the fact they are from AFRICA... (really)


Another lady at previous church (see any patterns here): I have always wanted one of those - (pointing to Molly Shen in my arms) I need to ask my husband again and maybe he will let us get one as a early Christmas present.


Everytime I look at your kids it just reminds me of puppies in the pound


Grocery clerk to kids: Which ones are the REAL brothers and sisters?
Molly Shen to clerk: We are all real brothers and sisters. we all look alike and we all have the same mom.


Honestly, these are all things we have heard... It has gotten to be a joke almost when we go somewhere to see how many heads we can turn and "what" comments we will get...

So, here is the deal...
ask me which kids are my REAL kids. they ALL are my real kids (as opposed to fake kids i guess)
ask me about their REAl parents. If you are my BFF or family or need to know, I will tell you. AND I AM the REAL parent.
expect me to divulge personal details of my childrens life stories if we arent close. If you need to ask, I am probably not gonna tell you.
recommend DOG shampoos i should try, because your BLACK poodle has hair just like my son.
justify to me that your child is making squinty eyes at my daughter because your family doesnt really "do" orientals. (really??)
(in front of my children especially) ask me to tell you why they were thrown away, discarded, abandoned etc by their birthparents. Again, if you needed to know, I would have already told you.
ask me how much money my children cost. Buying children is ILLEGAL. I didnt buy my children.
ask me why I didnt just have kids of my own... ( I did have biological kids, but they don't look like me either and you assume they are adopted as well)

I dont think I am being oversensitive. These are things we hear on a daily basis... I only dont hear them if I dont leave my house OR i go somewhere without my kids... I know other families that go through the SAME thing. And honestly, for the most part, I believe none of this is said in a malicious way... I try to smile and educate or just let people know they are crossing lines that for some reason they dont believe exist...

The best thing??? Ask me about adoption. Look me in the eye and smile. Tell me my family is beautiful. That means the world. I nearly hugged a lady at Costco who did that exact thing.... but I didn't want to freak her out!


"God ordains broken things in order to make all things whole" I love this song. I can hardly make it through without the tears falling. I dont know why. It just gets me. Everytime. Molly loves this song. She falls asleep to it every night. She doesn't understand the words, but it moves her to tears.. She says she doesnt know what it is about, she just feels that it is how her heart feels about God. And it makes her cry. Not sad tears, but those happy tears... Heart tears...

Sunday, October 3, 2010


I promised a few funny conversation posts and those will be coming, not everything is tragic around here... and sheesh with this group there is plenty of opportunity for funny but not tonight.

This morning in church we spent time praying for our dear friends the Croffs, who will be leaving for China in a few days.  They plan to go to orphanages and be with the children... They talked of what an "emotional" journey it will be and I was instantly transported back to my emotional journey to China.  Even now there are no words...

Our house is filled with noise and laughter... sounds that some days make my head feel like it will explode... and the ring leader of the noise is my not so quiet Molly Shen.  She begins FULL conversation the moment that her eyes flutter open.  She talks WHILE brushing her teeth, while chewing her food and usually falls asleep in the middle of a sentence... she even talks during the night in her sleep.   Sometimes it is all I can do to not cover my ears and scream.  It drives her siblings wonky...  but it is music to my ears and it makes me smile.  It hasn't always been so.

Molly was handed to me at 18 months and she didn't make a sound.  She didn't cry, she didnt coo, talk or scream. She was silent.  When we went to visit her orphanage we entered a large concrete building that housed about 200 babies and infants.  And the silence will forever haunt me.  There was no crying.  There was no laughing.  There were no baby sounds at all.  The absence of sound still chills my soul. 

Molly remembers the silence.  She has pictures that we took that day, of her bed, of her room... She says she used to cry when she was a baby so that someone would hold her or talk to her... she specifically says she cried and cried for someone to "rock rock and tell her hush it is all ok",  she cried and noone came.  No mommy came. She says she cried until she stopped.  I ask her why she stopped and she looks at me and shrugs and says "why cry?"  Silence still haunts her...

The silence will always haunt me, but it is now a reminder of how far we have come... and it makes me smile (and groan) when I hear that blood curdling, high pitched, shrill voice of hers come barreling down the hallway.  The silence will always haunt us, but there is no silence here.