autism awareness month

The word autism strikes fear in the heart of many... I always thought it was a parents worst nightmare and I thanked God daily that he had only chosen me to work with autistic children and not walk that road as a parent...
until Noah was diagnosed as having autism. 

I am convinced that Noah was born autistic... and that he was born just the way that God intended.  He never liked to be held as a baby. He missed every developmental milestone... I was so thankful to have him that he could have had 2 heads and he would have been perfect in my eyes... but on that day he was diagnosed I was so scared and I grieved what Noah would never have... what he would miss out on... on what that meant for all of us... and then I got busy. I educated myself, I read everything, I prayed.

Noah amazes me. Autism didn't beat him. As a mom my heart still aches for him as he struggles with issues, when things are not as easy for him, but he has taught me so much.  And I thank God for that. Noah isn't private about his autism. He tells people. That is just how he is... there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of... he is how God made him... a special creation...

Noah sees things in black and white. No gray. Ever. Right or wrong... hard when there is so much gray...  He is so very literal... raining cats and dogs? not possible. Humor is hard for him.  He has a great sense of humor but sometimes struggles understanding jokes (although he loves to kid around).  He is sturctured and doesnt deviate from the plan...

I read somewhere that while the average persons brain is like a funnel...  we can take everything that is swirling around in the top of the funnel and pull out what the most important things out while still noticing the small stuff (lights, smells, noises) but not needing them to come down the funnel.  A person with autism has a brain like a collindar. Everything...every noise, light, sound, smell, touch invades their brain at the same time with the same intensity...  makes so much sense to me.  Pain is perceived differently... a hangnail can cause hours of anguish and true intense pain, yet Noah broke his arm and while complaining that it hurt finished out the school day. Cutting his hair and fingernails hurts.  Noises hurt.

I forget that I have to explain everything... in great detail. Whatever gets left out... gets left out.  I asked noah to turn on the water, shower and then turn it off.  And so he did. For quite awhile. And then he started not smelling so great.  I never happened to mention that soap and shampoo were involved. He was turning on the water, showering, and then turning off the water...

Noah is amazing. He loves, he trusts, he is good and polite and kind. He is smart and memorizes everything. I no longer grieve what Noah lost to autism. I thank God for what he has given us, blessed us with.  I wish we could all have a bit more of Noah in us... it would make for a better world.  I cant say that I wish autism on anyone on any family. I wish there was a cure. But it is no longer my worst nightmare. It is just a bend in our road. And i will continue to celebrate each and every milestone...

This year Noah played football for the very first time. We, all his friends their parents and our family, knew this was not going to go great. How could a kid who doesn't like to be touched play tackle football. Noah was determined.  He has all the plays memorized. He knows how to play in his mind.  The very first game Noah tackled a guy and didn't just make the tackle but cleaned this kids clock.  When I took my hands away from my face from cheering what I saw I will never forget. The game was still going on, the clock running, but the team had rushed the field, picked Noah up and were cheering him on like he had won the superbowl. I was immediately wrapped in the arms of his best friends mom who was sobbing... 'he did it"!  

"For you created my inmost being;


you knit me together in my mother's womb.


 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;


your works are wonderful,


I know that full well." Psalm 139 13-14

gonna have to read this one...

I came across this book Cowboy and Wills on another blog and I think I am going to have to read it. As the mom of an autistic child it still amazes me when I hear other things people say things about their own experience and find myself amazed that no, indeed ... it isn't just our story...trouble tying shoes, fear of public restrooms, lines of collections on bookcases??? I watched this video and I heard so many of the things that are just part of our normal life. In fact they are so normal that we forget that they are not. We don't have a Cowboy though. We have a Jack. And with Jack there are no more nights of no sleep and there is a someone who just wants his head rubbed and doesn't mind that fingers flap or that certain patterns must be repeated while rubbing his fur. I do know that without Noah, Jack doesn't sleep well at night- he paces the floor. When Noah leaves without him, he lays on the rug ,barks at the door and then waits. And I know that without Jack, nighttimes, afternoon times, mealtimes, playtimes, and mornings and showers are much more difficult for Noah. So I will have to read the book. We can relate.

Seriously? What was he thinking?

Background information: Noah has been building a fort (there are 2 boards nailed to my tree.... constitutes a fort). Noah is afraid of heights and just not comfortable unless his 2 feet are firmly planted on the ground... Tom is on swing shift and so I am home alone with all kids and schedules in the evening...

Molly, Bis and Yordi come racing on to the deck screaming "mom come quick- Noah needs you". I hear these words often, but usually it is something very mild that requires me to simply be present (autism at its finest). I casually go outside and see this orange cap sticking out of the top of the tree... Seriously???? Noah climbed to the top? Apparently he climbed higher and higher, not realizing how high he was until his head peaked out at the top... He climbed up with no clue as to how he would get down. He is sobbing at the top of the tree... "this is so past fatal fall height". I assured him it really was just "multiple broken bone height" and that no indeed I was not calling the fire department. It took us under 40 minutes in the pouring rain but we were able to talk him down. After he was down I gave him a hug and asked how he was... "ok just a bit twitchy"... Seriously????