"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Monday, October 11, 2010

Stupid things people say...

Gonna let you in on a little secret. Our family is made up of 3 countries. We are not a biracial family. We are a multi racial family. We forget this. We think we look like everyone else's family. We have heard some pretty stupid stuff over the years. We have heard some pretty offensive stuff too. While walking between stores awhile back we had a carload drive by slowly, honk, flip us off and yell out many racial slurs... most of the stuff is stupid and honestly people for the most part dont mean it, I am sure... BUT...

Lady at previous church: Are you planning on telling your kids they are adopted or keep it a secret.

Me: DEFINITELY keeping it a secret


Another Lady at previous church: Isnt it horrible to change a diaper of a child that isn't yours? I mean diapers are bad enough if they belong to your own child, but someone elses? Terrible.


Another lady at previous church: We will need a copy of your boys medical files so we can send a letter out to all Sunday School parents to let them know that there will be AFRICANS in their childrens classes... and they may expose them to AIDS... due to the fact they are from AFRICA... (really)


Another lady at previous church (see any patterns here): I have always wanted one of those - (pointing to Molly Shen in my arms) I need to ask my husband again and maybe he will let us get one as a early Christmas present.


Everytime I look at your kids it just reminds me of puppies in the pound


Grocery clerk to kids: Which ones are the REAL brothers and sisters?
Molly Shen to clerk: We are all real brothers and sisters. we all look alike and we all have the same mom.


Honestly, these are all things we have heard... It has gotten to be a joke almost when we go somewhere to see how many heads we can turn and "what" comments we will get...

So, here is the deal...
ask me which kids are my REAL kids. they ALL are my real kids (as opposed to fake kids i guess)
ask me about their REAl parents. If you are my BFF or family or need to know, I will tell you. AND I AM the REAL parent.
expect me to divulge personal details of my childrens life stories if we arent close. If you need to ask, I am probably not gonna tell you.
recommend DOG shampoos i should try, because your BLACK poodle has hair just like my son.
justify to me that your child is making squinty eyes at my daughter because your family doesnt really "do" orientals. (really??)
(in front of my children especially) ask me to tell you why they were thrown away, discarded, abandoned etc by their birthparents. Again, if you needed to know, I would have already told you.
ask me how much money my children cost. Buying children is ILLEGAL. I didnt buy my children.
ask me why I didnt just have kids of my own... ( I did have biological kids, but they don't look like me either and you assume they are adopted as well)

I dont think I am being oversensitive. These are things we hear on a daily basis... I only dont hear them if I dont leave my house OR i go somewhere without my kids... I know other families that go through the SAME thing. And honestly, for the most part, I believe none of this is said in a malicious way... I try to smile and educate or just let people know they are crossing lines that for some reason they dont believe exist...

The best thing??? Ask me about adoption. Look me in the eye and smile. Tell me my family is beautiful. That means the world. I nearly hugged a lady at Costco who did that exact thing.... but I didn't want to freak her out!


Charyse Hill said...

Love your kids, honestly, you all look like you belong together and I think they all five have your smile! When Joshua and I are ready to adopt in a few years, we're going to be asking you for advice!

GRACE"full" Annie said...

Thank you Denise! Yes, daily stares and comments for our family too. I have days where I am totally oblivious to it though, and I wonder just why we are being stared at. Yep, blonde, brown, Chinese, African, Indian, and plain old boring me :) Just what are these folks staring at? I LOVE how the love that Jesus gives us makes us absolutely colorblind. One beautiful woman at church just this week told me to think when someone opens their mouth and stares just think..they are in awe of seeing Jesus working in you, in your family. This makes me smile :)

Sandee said...

Can see why it is the "Previous" church! wow....

YOU DO have a beautiful family. (Looks a little like mine, just bigger. lol)

Kristine said...

I just blogged about the same topic!!
WOW, you have gotten way more offensive comments, I have to say!
I would have absolutely went ballistic on the whole medical records/AIDS in Africa thing...
You are doing a great job, mama!

KristiLeigh said...

That was great. As a person who was adopted I thank you :) Nothing was worse than having some adult (or child at times) ask my parents or me why my biological mother and father didn't want me. I think you have a beautiful family with a beautiful soul :)