Wednesday, October 13, 2010
terrorism task force
Item 1: All dogs must go outside to potty. Even if it is dark, even if it is raining. They are dogs. They dont get to use my bathroom.
Item 2: If ANYONE (child or dog) gets sick in the night, there will be NO vomiting exactly in the spot I would put my feet when I launch my body from a dead sleep to hurl myself from the bed. AND IF by chance there is vomit in that spot and my feet do land in it and I slip and fall, DO NOT SAY SHHHHH I am sleeping!
Item 3: It is my bed. If you feel the need to sleep in it with me sleep on your own side and your own pillow. There is no open forum for discussion on this anymore.
Item 4: IF you are sleeping with me, keep your toes out of my ribcage, ears and spine.
Item 5: IF I happen to go down the hall to use the bathroom, I SWEAR I am coming back. I do not need to be escorted and waited for outside the door by 4 people a dog and a cat. I have acutally been doing this for years and am quite capable of doing it on my own... and I will come back. Eventually. I promise.
Item 6: If you have a temper tantrum and kick and scream and bite and yell and then get up and ask for me to make you your own entree for dinner cause what I have made doesn't happen to be your favorite... DO EXPECT to be laughed at by all your siblings... hysterically laughed at, as in table slapping laughed at. Followed up with comments like "Good luck with that one buddy!" or "are you freakin kidding me????"
Item 7: If you spray yourself in the eye with your sisters perfume that you have snuck from her room, well, dont be offended if all your sibling say ewwww... you smell like a girl.
Item 8: If you are not getting your way, PLEASE whine loudly and cry and complain. I LOVE this really.
Item 9: There will be no more stealing allowed and from here on out EVERYONE is on high alert. The thieving cat will be stalked until his lair is found along with it all the ponytail holders, earrings, socks, pencils and sink stoppers. If anyone sees a crime in process you will secretly follow said cat and notify someone older than you.
Meeting adjourned. I will not negotiate with terrorists. I am sure from here on out peace and harmony will reign in our house, the dogs will be fetching my slippers and my children will be laying their clothes out and packing their own lunches weeks ahead of time. A girl can dream right???